Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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