My friends, they love my intelligence
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
