You can't special order awesome
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
