I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
