Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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