i can't believe i had my finger in that
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
