I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Found the puke drawer
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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