the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Ketchup is God's man juice
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
