There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think I died a long time ago.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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