Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
