first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
