i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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