i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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