apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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