ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
