I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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