i may or may not be watching the land before time
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
