What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
