Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
