my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
