If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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