I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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