So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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