Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
