She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
