It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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