I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
