some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
