And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
