I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
