never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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