Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
