good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
