she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
