I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
