She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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