And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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