i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize