I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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