I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
