So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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