You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
