it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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