"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize