So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
