Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
