Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
