The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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