The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
