Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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