Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
