bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
