Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
