i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
