Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
