dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
