And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize