Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
