I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
