Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
