i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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