How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
