how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
