and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
