Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
