She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
