i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Rumble strips road head = magical
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
