thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
