I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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