I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
