Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
