I wish life had little blips of pornography
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
