I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
