I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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