The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
