I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
