Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize