..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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