Will you blow on my dice?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
