If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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