I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize