once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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