He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
