You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
