He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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