sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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