I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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