we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
