you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
